Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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