we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
