Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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