you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
