areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
