Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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