When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
