Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
