This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
