u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
