Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
