hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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