Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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