Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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