We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
