I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
