I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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