How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
