bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize