just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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