I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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