the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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