By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
