I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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