my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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