just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
