Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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