you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize