AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
