Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
