ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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