babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
