i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
