She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize