i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
