Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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