Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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