Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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