for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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