Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
