Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
