is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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