It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
