it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize