Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
