Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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