Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
