There was a lot of him and a little penis
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just found puke in my bra..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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