Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
