Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize