He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
