You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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