I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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