My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
