She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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