dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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