A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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