Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
