no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize