so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
