ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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