I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
