a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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