its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
