How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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