its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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