Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
