Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
