is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
