Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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