Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
